Post Trial: Revised
by SektraZuryen
Summary: In the aftermath of Maki's grief, Shuichi has a confession of his own. (spoilers for chapter 5 of drv3! also, topic is centered around major character death, though the death is not explicitly shown)


It was night, and the trial was over. And Shuichi found himself wandering to that one spot in the courtyard, the place where he and Kaito used to train together. Even with his crushed heart sinking in his chest, he wandered to the courtyard. Before he could step outside he noticed Maki already sitting where he had intended to go, and paused, unsure if she would want to be alone.

Shuichi had no idea how Maki must have felt, to finally confess her feelings only for it to end in tragedy anyways. He was being crushed under the weight of things he never got to confess, so the pain of letting it all out only for it to be in vain was unimaginable. Her words, "the only person I've ever fought for, the only person I ever fell for" still rang in his ears, it was everything he had wanted to say and now everything he never could. Even being the ultimate detective gave Shuichi no clue how to try and comfort Maki, but he decided to at least peek into the courtyard to see how she was doing. Despite her sadness the way her stance was more expressive and the way she smiled in greeting when she noticed Shuichi staring looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and it gave him hope that his own confession would do the same.

She gestured for him to come over, and he sat next to her under the hanging flowers they had always trained with kaito under. In the newfound silence he realized he had never really noticed the flowers before, he had known they were there, but not like this. The false stars gave him no consolation, but these flowers were alive and beautiful, a reminder that one day life could spread beyond this hell and out to fix the ruined earth. He just wished that he and Kaito could have seen that day together.

"I- I have something to tell you, I should have told kaito but I- … I didn't, and he's gone, and I feel like I at least need to tell someone-"

"Just say it, shuichi" Maki said, her gentle tone betraying her own words.

He tried, but the words caught in his throat. How could he put it into something as simple as words? Kaito was his cheerleader, his anchor, the one thing driving him in the face of soul-shattering despair, he was everything, and-

And he was gone, just like that, with so much left to do, so much left to live for. Stars never sailed and words never said and questions never asked and training sessions that would never be the same and all the times shuichi wanted to say something but never did and glances he'd never return and kisses he'd never give and even now when it was already too late all he could say was-

 _"I fell for him too."_

 _I fell for him too._ And it didn't even begin to cover how Shuichi felt. He had been lonely before, but he had never felt it as sharply as this. Even when he had been consumed by so much despair he couldn't even get out of bed he knew he had someone there for him, and was broken and despairing but never _lonely._ He never felt the hole in his heart he didn't know Kaito filled, until it was empty. And something told him Maki felt the same way. She stared at him in silent shock, pain and pity and confusion flashing across her face as she tried to process the revelation.

"And you never told him?"

"I almost did, right after you confessed but- I just couldn't. I know Kaito was never the kind of guy to hate me over something like that, but I just couldn't shake the fear of making him spend his last moments hating someone he used to trust. I just- I couldn't do that. Not to him."

Tears streamed down both their faces, and it felt like years had passed before Maki responded. "I… almost called you a coward, but I understand that. I-" she paused, averting her gaze, "I think he would forgive you."

Was he a coward? Was it brave to push down his own feelings even in the face of permanent misery, to spare someone he loved, or cowardly to hide the truth, even when he knew he would never be able to come clean about it again? He couldn't decide if it truly had been cowardly or not, but the reassurance meant the world. He dried his tears on his sleeve, and nodded. "Thanks Maki. I just… I was the one who drove Kaito into a corner and it feels like Kaede all over again, betraying someone I trusted to get to the truth..."

They stayed silent for a moment, Maki drying her own tears, before giving him a small smile. "Are you feeling lonely?"

"Huh?"

"Are you lonely… now that Kaito is gone?"

"Yeah. Lonely and so sad... I don't know what to do. The only reason I'm alive right now is because of Kaito. If he hadn't been my friend… I would be-"

"Me too. I can't remember the last time I cried that hard… I wonder how long it's been."

Maki's gaze shifted to the sky in thought. And Shuichi couldn't help but wonder too. A detective and an assassin, two jobs that killed something inside of you. Once you saw enough pain and tragedy, something broke and eventually you lost your ability to cry, like sharpening those skills wore your emotions dull. Even though he had only solved one case before, all these trials had worn down his emotions more than he had realized. He couldn't remember the last time he cried either, and the realization threatened to make him burst into tears all over again. But just as his vision grew blurry, Maki put a hand on his shoulder.

"But… I won't cry anymore. I'm sad, but… I'm grateful to Kaito."

"Grateful?" Shuichi echoed.

"Yeah, I want to show him how much I appreciate all of the things he did, instead of wallowing in pity."

Shuichi nodded. "I guess it's the same for me. I want to show my appreciation too. I'm sure that our friends who've passed on don't want to see us miserable."

"..."

"Thanks."

"Ah, so you guys were here after all, just like I thought." a voice interrupted. The two looked to see Tsumugi in her usual mood, and Himiko beside her.

"I knew you guys would be here 'cuz I cast a spell to find you." Himiko announced, sounding as confident in her magic abilities as always.

"Tsumugi? Himiko?" Shuichi asked, surprised but not unhappy to see them.

"Um, if you don't mind, can we join in on your training?" Tsumugi asked.

"Huh?"

"I'll train you all from the ground up so we can end this killing game together." Himiko declared.

"We're... going to end this together?" Maki said.

"Himiko and I promised Kaito! We can't afford to lose to despair now!" Tsumugi said, pleased when the others all voiced their agreement. Looking around at his enthusiastic friends made Shuichi feel better already. As long as he had friends around him, he felt like he could always find hope somewhere. His friends were his hope. Even with the pain of Kaito being gone, he would always have his friends, even his friends who had died, even if he only had memories of them.

And that was why he was going to live.

Live for Kaito, and his memory, and what he would have wanted.

Live, for everyone who had died.


End file.
